and

Monday, 31 Jul 2006

CDR-Memories grampa fred

Memories
-CDR-

The fishin trips
the rippen lips
the catchen eyes
they were all good size
the way you walk
and how you talk
now i see
that you’re here with me

these are the memories that i can see
i close my eyes and you’re here with me
open my mind and i see the light
hold back the years cause i know your alright

the dirty jokes
he’d told the folks
torque he had
you can ask my dad
hustlen quarters
the eastside borders
could use the rain
i can’t stand the pain

these are the memories that i can see
i close my eyes and you’re here with me
open my mind and i see the light
hold back the tears cause i know your alright

I’ll always regret having to let you go
my feeling sfor you i hope that you will know
all these memories i can’t help but see
i hope that you know what you mean to me

these are the memories that i can see
i close my eyes and you’re here with me
open my mind and i see the light
hold back the tears cause i know your alright

the early starts
the quick remarks
he’d built it stong
he can’t do it wrong
the snug shirt
he can’t pass dessert
he’d deal black jack
now i want him back!

RIP Grampa Fred.
July 22, 2000

and

Saturday, 15 Jul 2006

A night with Kany

“Human beings have the tendency to reassure themselves. And this is ongoing. Meaning, ive noticed the door is locked every time. Instead of coming out and saying the door is closed, I have to ask you what you think about the door being closed all the time to reassure myself that the door is or is not closed for a certain reason. I had a certain view of whats going on, and then instead of coming out and saying hey, this is whats going on, I ask you tos ee if you think the same thing or not and the question is to compare it with mine. We all may do it in a certain different way, but we are all still doing it. Reassuring ourselves. Why do we all care so much?

Tell the person what theyre thinking in the form of a question telling/asking others to even further reassure.

I think its fucking incredible.

Hit this.

Shit.”

“Is calling a rabbit a rabbit because it eats lettuce a stereotype? No, because thats what rabbits do. All rabbits. All humans [have a tendency to reassure themselves].”

and

Friday, 14 Jul 2006

may the 4th (of july) be with you, language

well, vacation was a blast. for the whole time, i rarely knew what day it was, nor what time of the day it was, and it was bliss. i dont know why i used that word, i dont really like it. at all. but anyways, pretty much doesnt get any better than that for me. first kany and i drove up to grand rapids mn to WayneFest ‘06, oh man, it was real fun, except drinking all day is hard work, i know ive said it before, but it really is exhausting! lots of volleyball, lots of the lake, and CDR! hell yeah, man, Common Difference Revival for sure. the performance was awesome. Brian Shawn Josh and Paul did an awesome job they have the BEST songs, well, the ones theyve written any ways. im just never a big fan of covers…except Alabama for sure. oh man, Alabama is pretty great. ooooooo theres a fire in the night… ! and i got a CDR groupie tshirt. it fits niiiice. then waynefest fireworks are better than any other display ive seen yet. i seriously wonder how much he spends on them. and i do look forward to the taco feed, so much lovliness involved with assembly line all you can eat tacos with your family and friends… i wish we could have fished in the fishing contest though, even if it is at 8am. that would have been nice. i tried, but i didnt want to impose on anyone. ill just have to get a boat of my own, i suppose. or kany to get one. and then tuesday trucking it all the way down to shawano to meet the momma and the papa and the rest of the fam’. and moving on to minoqua to a different campground. which reminded me of like ‘corporate’ camping. there was over 200 sites, and they were all dirt, no grass, really shady though, so that was really really nice, but they were all pre apportioned spaces with retaining walls to square them off. and a lot of seasonals…these new seasonal ‘campers’ that look more like trailers in trailer park, but with like steel siding and view windows and stuff. i dont know…it just kinda took something away for me. but it was still nice, there was a beach and a pool, didnt go to either, actually, but went in the boat and tried wakeboarding again, whcih i still cant do by the way…ahhhh. and heres kany just chillin no problem getting on top of the water, and trista with those skis, shes jumping the wake, and trying to kick one off and go on a single ski. just has the hang of it completely. yeah, im jealous. shit. but ill keep trying at least. i cant give up, nope. and there was shuffleboard. i do love the shuffleboard…but i didnt get to play that much. and in minoqua theere was a really cool ski show that we went to. they perform every sunday wednesday and friday, and we went on friday. it was great. and the coolest thing was, it wasnt like a perfect, practiced, synchronized show. it was just basically practice for all the people that go off to competition and tournaments and stuff. i liked that. then saturday we headed for home. we left at like 10, and got home around 5. dude, driving takes it OUT of me! omg. i couldnt beleive how tired i was, i literally just crashed! and then sunday, i was still recovering, i barely had the ambition then to clean out the car and go grocery shopping…and it ended up taking forever to get that done too.

and then, turns out, EVERYONE at work just forgot that i told them i wasnt going to be at work last week, some of them i told like 3 times! and still, no one remembered. funny how this sort of thing seems to happen to me a lot. or at least i notice this anyways. i get the feeling many times that people just dont listen to me. whether i am telling them about my weekend, or that i would like to take of work. i dont know if there is some high frequency tone in my voice or something that the average ear cant hear, or what. but i truly do hate that feeling, very much. and dont get me wrong, sometimes i may just not be clear about something, i know that i am terrible about that, not being able to say things as i wish people to understand them. but i may also just be more vague because it is the second time i am saying it and i am assuming that you remember the details from the first time. and i guess it may come with the age also, too young to really know anything, so no sense in paying attention… …not all the time of course, and no one in particular…but i just notice that it happens quite a bit where i have to either repeat myself several times, or say i told you so. and in some cases, i get offended. especially like when a service technician comes in, and i am the one that calls them, and they just so happen to come in 15 minutes after the another worker comes in, and instead of asking me what the problem is, looking right past me, and talking to the other person. and the reason why that bothered me the most was because the other person that had just come in, had been gone the whole past week. and the service technician had been in that past week and saw me working that shift, and asked the other person if they had been working the past couple of nights…! just an example. a quite recent one, in fact. its just really offending to me for someone to automatically assume something about me, especially about my skills or aptitude, or even myself as a person, without any basis or evidence, or with misinterpreted evidence. and straight up, makes me feel like shit.

anyways, this week ive been working quite a bit. and i do need to catch up, so its alright. tomorrow is dads birthday, so i am going to spend the day with them at the campground. and then work on sunday.

you know, im actually kind of excited for school. i think i get this way at about this time every summer. i know i did last summer for sure. but i also know that i definately needed this break. ive gotten myself back to reality and back to…me. for awhile there it seemed like everything was just clouded or something. but only having 15 credits for the next semester instead of 19 is something to look forward to definately. i wish i could help kany make his decisions about school, i just dont know what to tell him. and most importantly, i dont want to influence him in any way that might be away from what he really wants. and especially wouldnt want him to find out later that it wasnt what he wanted. and i need to make some decisions myself. but i think i know what i want to do. ive really been thinking about this for a long time now, and its going to be a lot of work, but i think im going to do it: start learning french instead of continuing spanish. i mean, for global studies i need to actually take the 4 semesters of the language anyways, i cant just test out of them. and i have 3 left of spanish anyways, so why not take something that I can actually use? Plus, for where i want to go in the future (which also isnt quite certain) i dont think i want to deal with spanish speaking countries. i dont want to be in central america, or south america, i want to deal with europe, and spain is like an entirely different form of spanish than what ive been learning anyways. I really want to do that, and i really need to figure all of that out, very soon…hopefully, and i am assuming there is, that there is something similar to what i was going to do anyways, and that is go and study abroad for language, many of them you dont need any prior knowledge of the language, and you can take 4 semesters worth in one semester. and i definately need to go somewhere that has that as the main language and immerse myself into it, because that is how i want to learn a different language. that is basically the only way ill ever be fluent, because i tend to be able to get good grades in the classes the way they teach it here, same as high school, and not really learn it like i want to anyways. so yeah, i need to go talk to someone about that, and go to the study abroad meeting, like in the next couple of weeks.

well, thats all what ive been thinking a lot about lately. and more, of course, but i havent thought about those enough to be able to write them down. they shall come. anyways, PEACE for now. LOVE.

and and

Friday, 30 Jun 2006

you remind me of..

You remind me of….when you really want to take a picture of something, but don’t have a camera.

Friday, 23 Jun 2006

working nights, 4th of july for sure

i am at work. which is alright. were waiting on files. i got enough sleep today to not even be tired right now, so thats pretty cool. except for the fact that i slept past 10, leaving kany waiting for me at work. gosh, i cant believe i did that, i feel so bad. and he invited this guy Dan from work to come over, so he was waiting for us to get home..

anyways, so i must say that im pretty excited for WayneFest ‘06, and then camping with mom and dad and bruce and marsha. 4th of July is the best time of the year, for sure. all the driving may get long, but it will be worth it. oh hell yeah. i bet i was asked about 10 times on tuesday if i was going to waynefest this year…for sure.

im working nights this weekend. should be interesting. im alright with it, excpet that now kany and i work different shifts. but that will happen.

wellp, i guess thats all my brain has for now. weird. peace.

“Its not like we had satellites 150 years ago to say, ‘Fuck, thats a lot of ice.’”
-Patrick Stuart on global warming and ice caps.

Monday, 12 Jun 2006

oh weekend happenings

this weekend kany and i went to mom and dads. saturday we went to a M.A.D.D. Panel in St. Cloud. it was pretty emotional, but i dont believe in drinking and driving anyways, especially after dad told me a story about how one of his friends was killed by drinking and driving…but it just reinforces it a little i guess. and then kany and i played mini golf in albany in the rain, three rounds. it was pretty awesome. we each got 2 hole in one’s, and we were rockin it. that was really fun, and the rain didnt even bother us at all! it love it. and then we went home and hung out. we played a texas hold em tournament, and i won. it was only a $2 buy in, but there was 6 of us, so it was really fun. kany and dad were sooo funny with their sunglasses and poker faces. hahahaha. then menomonie went to a party and came home “wasted” and started talking about avons in mcdonalds and shippaling and handling…hahahahaha. then sunday we helped mom and dad split wood for a little while, ran to st cloud, then helped mom and dad with some yard work. kany mowed the lawn with a dixon, he was running that shit, it was funny, but he did a really good job. and kany weed wacked the edges even! haha he really was running that shit. haha. and i spray painted the hitch on the back of the camper and tried helping dad wire the lights for the trailer behind the camper. and then made hamburgers on the grill, and did a few loads of laundry, and then after we ate we played another tournament. but this time it was dealer chooses what game we play, cards or dice. we all started out with 10 chips. ($2 buy in again). menomonie ended up winning, trista took 2nd place.

it was a REAL fun weekend. i had tons of fun. except that i wasnt invited to erichs graduation party…well, until the day of, which was saturday. im not going to lie, i was a little hurt by that. especially since heidi didnt even tell me about it until the day of. but oh well, now i know, right. the worst part about it is that erich never even called me at all. heidi did, and it was still at the last minute and heidi even said on the phone that she knew that erich wasnt sending me an invitation in the mail and that she was afraid that he would forget to call me. but i said too that it was partly my fault since i have been really bad about calling heidi very much lately. i dont know. i guess its just hard for me because i always make it a point not to forget about any of my close friends, its really important to me to make people feel like they are always welcome, because they are, to me. but…and, i dont want to assume, and its terrible of me to even still say it, but i have the idea that heidi might not have even called me as early as she did, (if you can call early the day of the party). i think the only reason why she did was because jessica called me friday night (the night before) asking what i was up to that night, but i couldnt do anything because i was picking up patrick from the airport. and then she was just like, “well thats okay cuz ill see you tomorrow for erichs party, right?” and i was like, uhh, what party. and i told her that i knew nothing about it and she could tell that i was hurt by that. so i think jessica mentioned something to heidi and thats why she called me. but i do know how busy things get and stuff, and at least she did still call me, so i can forgive them. it just really hurt, you know..? disappointment hurts. but the other side of disappointment is that I created the expectation that wasnt met, I created the disappointment myself, so I have to be the one to forgive….i guess.
BUT, the best part is, i had so much more fun at mom and dads with the family, mostly because i just dont feel like partying as much anymore, but also because everyone would have been weird towards me since i said straight up that i was hurt by not being told about it. i think people (in general, please) dont really know how to deal with someone actually confronting them…oh well.

Friday, 2 Jun 2006

antsiness, caps & gowns, and rockin it

i really feel like writing. most of all, right now i just want to not be at work. i love work…its just that i get bored when i am running art school books when i dont have homework to do. i mean, ive already read every news story on google news, read a time magazine weekend edition, and watched the 2nd half of Downfall, a movie about hitler and WWII that is 2.5 hours long. and i know i am just especially antsy to get out of here because i know i will get to go home to my lover who is sitting at home chillin by himself. i could work longer, but i dont really need to because its just getting ahead, so i am being selfish and racking up hours for myself to make up for monday and tuesday when i was off of work. after this art school book is finished running, im going to leave. doot dee doo.

i got a hair cut today. my beautiful sweet amazing lover kany bought me a haircut at Aveda institute. it took awhile, because theyre students, but i really like it. it makes me feel great…so great, in fact, that i wish it was nine. i have been this way all day…wishing it was nine, which is probably another reason why i want to get home so bad….ahhh, its so overcoming…but the haircut: :)
<3

tomorrow is melnalalys graduation. my lil sis is a big girl now…hahahaha well, kinda. but i am going to see her recieve her diploma, awwww. and then sunday we’ll do some fishin. im so happy about kany and my family. so unbelievably happy. it almost makes me cry when i think about it. i love things that make me so happy that i feel like crying. im so happy.

on tuesday we got shirts for volleyball!!! Mandys mom is sponsoring us this year and she paid for the shirts too! im so grateful, that was so nice of her, and they really look great! and maybe it even helped a little to get us playing better as a team, because we fucking ROCKED on tuesday. i think we just rock in general, but the tshirts make us look good while were rockin it. i love volleyball..mmm.

ahhh im so freakin antsy!!

ive been like beating myself up lately. ive been noticing all these different cuts on my body…especially my hands and arms. ohh this calls for some workers compensation….definately. tsk tsk.

wellp thats all i got for now…PEACE

and

Thursday, 1 Jun 2006

is it nine?

hahahahah omg.

he wouldnt stop trying to tickle me and even though he wasnt actually tickling, i couldnt stop laughing!
the sun is already coming up…!
Every morning at nine, I swear! …hahah
“Jeeeessica…it’s niiiiiiine”. hahah.
“Well, I like to do that stuff, but I dont really have a saw…or even a cordless screw gun…” hahahaha

and

Tuesday, 30 May 2006

greatest. birthday. eeevveer.

this year, my birthday was amazing. i have the greatest soldier ever, along with the greatest sisters ever, coupled with one of the greatest friends ever. first, trista calls me RIGHT at midnight to wish me a happy birthday, from south dakota even, she was staying there with her friend. then, melnalay came to to cities to visit me. and kany surprises me with a one hour full body massage! i didnt expect him to do anything special since he doesnt really have much money, but hes so sweet! and he even wanted to give one to melnalay too! but she doesnt really like that kind of thing, and she would have absolutely hated the massage oil that they use. so she didnt do it, but that was so nice of kany to plan one for her too! menomonie gave me Office Space on dvd! what an amazing gift…i even said like a couple of days before that there were only 3 dvds that i would ever want to have to complete my collection: Office Space, Dumb and Dumber and Anchorman. and then, Tori gave me Dumb and Dumber! we also played frisbee golf for the first time, and later, melanaly went to bed, and kany and i stayed up all night on the porch drinking champagne and eating strawberries and peaches talking until the sun came up, just us. it was amazing. absolutely amazing. i wasnt super hype about it at the time, mostly because it was SO incredibly hot out and humid and miserable, but i did have SO very much fun! for sure! and everyone was so thoughtful, it all meant SO much to me!

Monday, 22 May 2006

overtime recreation tituation and roadtrips

well, back home from rochester ny and recovered from being homesick and then working over the weekend as well. the overtime will definately be nice. gosh, i feel like ive been going non-stop for about 4 weeks now. working every weekend, final projects, finals, then training, and now i just wanna relax. a good game of billiards would definately hit the spot tonight, maybe ill see if someone wants to go…weird craving, playing pool, but i definately want to. and i want to rent movies sometime soon, i havent been watching movies much lately and i have a little list of the ones i want to see. i shall list them here, why not. Aeon Flux(first for a reason), Hostel, Wolf Creek, Proof, Stay, Derailed, Good Night and Good Luck (McCarthyism! hahaha damn communists), The Ice Harvest, and Domino. There are some chick flicks that I kinda want to see, but I have to be in the right mood to watch those, preferrably drunk. hahaa. yeeaaahhh. anyways, also some mario party sounds like fun to me, but no one ever wants to play that with me…haah and i always end up playing by myself, how lame am I…but i just do love that game ever so much. maybe ill ask tori or somethin.
haha that “ever so much” reminded me of how Kany and I have been talking lately. weve been using british accents and its sooo fun! “Tituation” hahahahhahahahah.

and off to volleyball tomorrow night. i do love the volleyball. I am also going to stay over night at mom and dad’s and have a little somethin for mom for her birthday and mothers day, just a special visit. and, hopefully ice cream cake.

and jessica and brandon brought up that theyre planning a trip to chicago this summer to see the king tut exhibit, and the warped tour is there that same weekend…that sounds like a lot of fun. the train tickets are only like $40, and if we all split a hotel, holy cripes man that would be so much fun. i love road trips! i think im going to go…..

wellp, thats all for now. PEACE yo