i feel like i really just cannot get over….kany. i know ive been writing about him a lot lately, but i cant help it. i feel like it is a miracle or something. i feel like, again, how did i get so lucky. i mean, ive already talked about how i feel so lucky about my family and stuff, but its like, every time kany talks about “us” its just…unexplainable. and i guess mainly the way i feel is that i couldnt have even imagined being so in love with someone, and so happy, and we can literally never get enough of each other, like we really never get sick of each other. i always feard moving in with anyone, even like, my sister, or a really good friend. because, everyone knows that you never really ‘know’ someone until you move in with them, and chances are, it will break your relationship. and i cant help but recall the time a year or so ago when sharon called me out of the blue asking me if she got the internship (or clinicals or something like that, at the mayo–i guess there are only a couple of places for nuclear biochemistry…which i think is what sharon is studying, something similar at least…but anyways there are only a couple of places that they can do their clinicals, and the closest to ‘home’ which for sharon is really important, is the mayo–and so she called me and asked me if i wanted to get a place with her if she ‘got in’ to the clinincals at the mayo) and of course i said yes, that would be amazing. i feel really close to sharon on many levels even though at one time i did not…but one cannot help but wonder, or worry perhaps, at how it would affect our relationship moving in together. and that is the worry all the time, about moving in with anyone. and i just find it amazing that we (kany and i) can live together so easily. and be so in love. i love it though. its so unbelievably helpful having that like support all the time. always having someone to come home to..and i know i always have tori too, because she is an unbelieveable friend too, even though i dont always show her that, she really means SO much to me…the things that she says to me. she really is amazing. but you know, its different, a partner, a significant other…not to raise that significant other to a higher level than an amazing friend, but it really is..just different. apples and oranges. but always having someone so supportive and welcoming, and amazing to come home to, and sexy as hell, and its like all too good to be true i guess is what im getting at. i always told myself that, well, i guess the better way to put it is that ive always felt like there really was such a thing as true love, or a perfect partner or sorts, for everyone. and i even knew that i would just know when i found them. and even so i never thought it would happen. because i knew i would never just ’settle’ and so i thought it would be this exhaustive search…and thats why i always had to open my horizons and go other places so as to provide myself with opportunities to meet new people and whatever but holy shit, of all places, st. cloud is where i met him. i like, vowed to myself to have NOTHING to do with St Cloud State because i just had this bad sort of feeling about the place, and much of it had to do with the people from my high school who would go ther because they couldnt get in anywhere else and just the type of people that they were/are and that i never wanted anythign to do with them, ever…but how ironic. turns out, without that place, i would have never met him. Mahamadou Kane. wow. and like he said, the way it happend, its like, there has to be somethign. and i know i have a hard time believing in god, but there has to be something. something. it brought us together, and for no forseeable or apparent reason. life is fuckin amazing. but it sucks at the same time.

okay, i know a lot of this is rambling, but its how i do. stream of consciousness, baby. i just gotta get the thoughts out there. and so, what-ev. have it as you will. its how i do.