Dad just called me to tell me that he saw 6 snowflakes.

That makes me sad. Not just the fact that I dont like snow, or the cold, but also for the fact that I havent had any freakin time to write SINCE AUTUMN STARTED, and now winter is starting! GAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

that is how i feel.

that is all.

I smelt autumn for the first time last night. It must be fall for sure now.

My sense of smell is indeed freakish, but I enjoy it… I can smell Kany, I can smell when rain is coming, and I can smell autumn. Its wonderful. Not the cold part, and especially not the thought of winter coming….ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. But, moral of the story: it is autumn.

so i was sitting in my cultural anthropology class today (which is one of the most excellent classes ive ever taken, its literally like just a huge ass interactive discussion where we all kinda like teach ourselves, and the professor, OMG, on one of the first days, we had a group discussion day, and he was assigning the groups, so he starts at the top left of the auditorium and just starts looking at people and saying their names! he took the pictures that are in the UMN system that are like on our student id cards and must have like a photographic memory or something to remember all probly 50 or more of us by name and face!! he amazes me)

hahaha woooahh tangent. so i was sitting in cult anth, and i get this thought pop up in my mind so consuming i just had to write it down to later write in here. it goes like this:

what is it about me that people just dont want to listen? I mean, is my voice tone at some level that humans have trouble recepting? Do I just suck that badly at talking (i.e. making arguements, telling stories) that its just too painful to listen to me struggle or try to make sense of it? I really wonder about this. Ive experienced this quite a bit (especially with mom and her being a hypocrite about it) and even again this happened in this Cultural Anthropology class. We had that group discussion for a whole class period (75 minutes) and had to write up what we talked about, and i swear I wasnt able to finish one whole thought or point, or even a sentence without being interrupted…and not like interrupted like something I said caused a breakthrough for someone else to make a similar point or add to my point, but interrupting with something totally and completely different or irrelevant to what I was saying. And then! later on, someone made the same exact point as I was trying to make before being interrupted, and not so much in different words either.
I dont know. This just kind of drives me crazy because i know that i have trouble talking, making points, telling stories, and so i try so hard to make sure i know what i am talking about or what i want to say before i even open my mouth. And even still its like no one cares to listen. Maybe it has to do with politeness and respect, that I always make sure to let a person finish what theyre saying (especially if theyre not making sense because, well, i know how they feel, and also because perhaps if they keep talking they may be able to figure it out on their own how to make it make sense) and i always make sure to give the other person the opportunity to say everything they wanted to say. so i dont know, maybe i am taking it personally when actually the cause of it is a lack of politeness or respect in others rather than my own suckiness at speaking…i just dont know.