I made this today for my desktop background, and it rocks my boat until i fall into the water.

i wouldnt suggest ever purchasing/tasting diet v8 splash. icky is what it is.

peace.

i just woke up from a nightmare. i havent had a nightmare since i was….its been a LONG time. but it wasnt the regular ghost and goblin nighmare…it was something else. and now i know why i havent been pursuing him like i normally would…im scared.

so, i tried calling him, but it went right to voicemail. then later when i tried calling him again, some girl picked up and asked if i was trying to get ahold of him. i said yes. and then she proceeded to say that he didnt want to talk to me. and then i dont knwo what happened, all of a sudden i was talking to this girl in real life. but at this point she didnt know it was me and she was talking about him like they just met and spent the night together and now she was in love with him (even though she said, and i quote, that “if i had never gotten freaky with him, i probably wouldnt have ever liked him”) and that drove me CRAZY, but i kept it cool, and pretended like i was cool with it. so i kept talking to her like i was trying to make a new friend and i walked with her to her apartment…then i finally revealed to her that it was me. she went on to tell me that he wanted her to tell me all these things. like, that he just didnt have feelings for me anymore and such. it killed me that he couldnt tell me to my face, that he even had her pick up his phone. and then i decided that i just needed to talk to him about it, but he still wasnt answering my calls so i went over to his house and waited for him. well, he finally came home, but then right when he came out, 2 girls (the one that was “in love” with him, and her friend) came out of his room. turns out they were waiting for him too. when they all three saw me there they didnt know what to do, and all i said was that i wanted to talk to him. he went straight into his room and shut the door. he refused to talk to me alone. then i was like, well i need to talk to someone about this alone. so, i ended up talking to the girl. but that wasnt doing it for me. i said all the things i needed to say to him, to her, but he wasnt hearing them, so it just wanst right. so then i gave up, and was like, well i guess i am going to have to pick up my stuff soon..the only problem is i live in minneapolis so i dont get back here often, so i dont knwo when it will be. and i left.
scariest thing ever, for me right now. this is the reason why i have been so reserved about ‘pursuing’ him or whatever. i am SO afraid of something like this happening. i dont know how i would handle a situation like that, just the mere thought of it, scares me to death. and now ive confirmed that i am a hypcrite. i always say that i dont believe in fear…but that is my biggest fear.

so, last night, angie and i were talking to this freshman because he was just obviously freshman, and he wanted to know how we knew that. and then, when we went on to explain that everything he did was a result of not being comfortable with himself and not having any self confidence, and that we could see right through that, he and the others around us were literally thrown back. like, they had never heard this before, and they were just amazed by it. are they kidding? are there really that many people out there who dont know themselves enough to be comfortable and confident in themselves? not even that, these kids didnt even know that this concept existed. they hadnt even thought of trying to find that self realization and confidence.

now I am thrown back. unbelievable.

peace.

….of being sick and tired.

and of our house being shitty.

and of never having free time.

and of jessica inviting joey to live with her and then kicking him out, after not even a week, and then pinning it all on me.

and of being tired.

and of being tired.

and of missing people.

and of driving the FUCKING mini van that gets 8 miles to the gallon.

and of having to work so much.

and of never being good enough.

and of complaining. fuck, im not better.

mmmm….keg beer. Definately looking forward to it. MMMmmm..
Definately not looking forward to the morning though… rawr. yessssss!

I would also like to say, I’ve rediscovered this recently due to more time spent with him, but its freakin unbelievable how alike joey and i are. every other freakin word out of our mouths are said simultaneously. weird.

peace FISKAS

INSIDE OUR HOUSE. yeah, the heat is not on yet. fifty freakin seven degrees. the landlord has yet to turn the boiler on, and we’ve called about it….4 TIMES. rawr.

peace.

I love it when leaves blow up in the air and around in a cyclone shape.

Its beautiful.

peace

OKAY:

So, Papa Smurf has been letting us out of lecture early, which rocks. First of all, because he’s Papa Smurf (he looks like the real life, not blue version of papa smurf, and i love it).

Also, today I had a fricken cigarette wrapper get stuck to my shoe. There was a garbage can TWO (2) feet away.

Squirrels tails are so fluffy. …AND, they bounce-glide. Greatest. Means of transportation. Ever.

peace.

i need a break really really bad. (and by break, i mean, intense cuddle session). all my life has been these past few weeks is work and school, and i’d like a break please. i know ive gotten myself into all of this, but man, i wish it wasnt so much worse than i thought it would be. ::::::::::::::::::ssssiiiiiiigggggghhhhhh::::::::::::::

okay, breaks over bitches. peace.