i really want some warm chips.

i found a quarter today!

**

Why do we always want what we cant have? Does EVERYONE do this?

why do cliches have to be cliches. fuck em.

so i went over to jessica and brandons tonight to watch the o.c. heh. we had an o.c. party and it was brandons idea. it was pretty awesome.

but then at the end, the last episode that we watched….i became so sad that i started crying. it was the one where theresa finds out that she is pregnant and then after all of the deliberation and her deciding to keep it, ryan decides that he needs to go back to chino with her to help her take care of everything. well the reason why i cried was because ryan didnt even have to say anything and everyone understood. everyone just supported him at the price of their own feelings and desires.

that made me realize why people cry during shows or movies. they get so wrapped up in it and relate to it so much that there is some sort of tie to their own lives that plays out in a similar way.

so crop circles piss me off.

ive decided that it really sucks that those 2 guys from england started this in the first place.

crop circles are beautiful, dont get me wrong. the problem i have is that what if there is such of a thing as crop circles from someone (or something) other than idiots from england who have no lives. we will never know if it really is someone or something else because these guys fucked it all up.

its kinda like the boy who cried wolf.

its amazing to think that there is even a possibility that there is other things ‘out there’ besides what weve discovered. i mean, there has to be. there is no way that our existence is the only one in the universe so vast. to me, that’s harder to believe than the fact that there is no way that they can exist.
but seriously, there has to be. and if there is, i wonder what kind of creatures they are and what their lifestyle is like. i wonder if there is a better way to live than what weve created for ourselves…or maybe it would only be different because it works best for the kind of creatures they are. the way we are has evolved because of our surroundings and i dont know if there is another planet just like earth, with human beings just like us. i mean, there are so many possibilities. and, i wonder what their technology is like…and what their word for technology is. what their language is like. and, if we, or they, would ever advance so far to find each other. i wonder. i wonder.

fuck the duck.

no foul language.

wow, i am in a foul mood.

i sincerely hope someone got that….

anyways,
i am in an ‘i-suck-at-life’ mood. wow i almost typed boob instead of mood. what the hell is wrong with me today.

i need someone to cheer me up. and not a native american boy with a rat tail and molestache that works at subway telling me i have a nice smile and that hed do anything to make me smile again.

even though thats pretty much the nicest thing anyones said to me in a long time.

so im doing a Podcast with Patrick and two other guys from work: John and Jeff. its going to be…edit: it IS really fun, im honestly going to enjoy it a lot. plus, the guys are so fun to hang out with.

(cheap plug i know, but for those of you that are reading this, you should really download it. it should be posted by thursday august 25 on itunes. download the latest version of itunes and click on the podcasts tab and search for it: Money Well Spent is what its called.)

its a lil radio show about the best way to spend money, but it has our humor in it, so its fun to listen to. it is kinda long, im not gonna lie, an hour, but its totally worth it, cuz well, i am in it. no seriously though, it would mean a lot to me if you would download it. and who knows, you might even enjoy listening to it. or, at the very least, you can show it to people and when my voice comes on you can scream “i know her!” it will be fun.

we have a website for it too, winter12.com so you could check that out too if you want.

and then, after you listen to it, you can interact with us…by emailing us or posting on the website. (i am jessica@winter12.com)

yay

peace

im not gonna lie, i pretty much hate the fact that the daily show is not on on sunday nights. BAH.

anyways so i went camping this weekend with my momma and papa and trista and melnaly. and then pat and nancy and tanner and tyler camped with us to. and so did patrick and nancy and rachel and samantha. it was SO fun. i seriously had SO much fun. i really miss going camping and i realized how much i truly do love it. especially going with pat and nancy…our families get along so well, its awesome. i honestly have nothing bad to say about it…well, except melanaly and tristas attitudes, but thats a different story. im sorry, i love them to death, but at the same time, they need to realize that sometimes the things that they say and do REALLY do hurt other peoples feelings. even if whatever the issue is has nothing to do with them. oh well, theres nothing i can do but love them. and i do.
anyways i love how much fun patrick and nancy and the girls had too. well, patrick might not have, but i understand that camping just isnt his thing. but i really love that nancy finally got to go. shes been talking about going camping all summer, and she finally was able to. i am so glad. and to see how much fun the girls had…samantha did NOT want to leave. amazing.

ps happy bday crust. sorry i couldnt help finish the second keg, i really wanted to be there, but i did have other committments i had to attend to.

im excited for the sol13 show. thats my own code for Solution 13, the greatest band EVER. August 26th at 8:00pm the Java Joint in St. Cloud. Be there. your life will not be complete without having seen this band play live. thats me being as serious as a heart attack, and thats no laughing matter.

so im not gonna lie, im pretty lonely right now. i know that i live in my own little dream world sometimes, especially when it comes to relationships, but its just because i am really picky. i guess what i mean is, i truly think that when it comes to someone that i want to be my ’significant other’ , i really think that i will just know that it is right. and i know that i most likely wont know that truth right away when i meet someone, but i still will know. and it shouldnt be hard and you shouldnt have to question anything. and i also mean that if its not right, then why waste my time? and that sounds bad, and its not how i want to say it, but its the only way i know to say it. and that sucks.

but the truth is, i both love and hate that i am like that. i love that i wont just ’settle’ for somone, because i know that i deserve the best, but at the same time, am i asking too much? and what if i am wrong? what if the right one for me really will take work? and how will i know that the work i put in to it really will be worth it? like what if i think it is right, but i am just blinded by it, and they are actually not as good to me as i think. maybe that is what i am afraid of in all of this. maybe that is why i am so picky. because i know how ‘love is blind’ and i am afraid that i wont realize it and not be able to control the situation.

i think that is the hardest thing about relationships, that as much as you think you know the other person, its truly impossible to know everything about them, and thus creates room for distrust.

i wish that i could let everyone know, that if there is something that you dont know about me, its not because i dont want to tell you, i have no intentions of keeping ANYTHING from anyone. its simply that there has been no opportunity to show or tell it to you. like, you know how you have so many memories but for some of them it takes a certain thing to trip the recall of it? thats what i mean. there hasnt been the right tip to make some things about me obvious.

but im pretty sure that lonliness is the worst feeling ever. and i really want someone to cuddle with right now.

i was talking to angie one time, and we had been talking about that terri schiavo case and we both decided that if we have no purpose in life anymore, for whatever reason, we dont want to be alive. if i cant be conscious or in my actions make an impact on anyone or an ything, then there is no reason for me to be alive. i truly feel that way. if i am in such a bad condition that i need to be on life support, pull the plug. i never want to be such a burden on anyone.

which comes to my next point. last night we were talking in the van on the way home from shawns lucky birthday night at sugar daddys. brian brought up that he wants to die in massive amounts of debt, but i dont think he realized that someone has to take that after he dies. you have to make a will, and if you dont, then it just goes to the state, or the government. and i said that i want there to be at least one someone that is worth working my whole life just to leave them something in my will. because, if ive lived my whole life and everything that i have from my life just goes to the government, what was it worth for?

peace

my ears are small.

i love white t-shirts.

that girl in the comic on the sample table at work looks like conan o brien.

ps. boobs.

peace