sometimes i wish it wasnt so hard for me to be able to show people who i really am. i know that if people really take the time and the chance to try to get to know me, they figure it out. but at the same time, i wish there was some way that i could constantly have my qualities on display, good and bad, because i really do like who i am. i guess the reason i say this is because i truly do feel that there are very few people that know almost everything about me…and that is not how i want it to be. i always say that i will let anyone know how i feel about them or any situation i am in or whatever: im not afraid to say what is on my mind. but then, sometimes i have a really hard time making sense outloud about what i really want to say, and that really really bothers me. so then, when it doesnt come out perfectly right, it skews the results. sometimes i think that is what my life is. but then, there have been times where i straight up tell people “i am one of the most trusting people you will ever know” (which i truly believe is true) but it is hard for them to just agree and believe me just like that. that is what i mean. i understand why they cannot just believe me just like that, but how can i prove it? that is the problem i have. and i dont understand. why can it be so incredibly clear in my head, but when it comes time to get it out for others to understand, it gets all jumbled. and then, by the time it takes for me to get everything out, it either doesnt make sense or the explanation is too long and you get lost. maybe thats because when i am thinking something, it is a result of so many other thought processes that all come together and make sense into one and i try to fill in the backgroud of those other points because i feel like it wouldnt make sense without that background, especially because usually those other thought process might be totally random and seem to have nothing to do with each other in the first place. but they do, to me, and i wish other people could see the connections too. plus, its really hard when you really want someone to open up to you, but you cant make them, they have to be willing. and then when you sit there and say things that dont make sense, they get discouraged. maybe im doomed. maybe im psycho.