why can’t you communicate to me what is going on in your life?
why cant you look to me for support?
instead you give me the cold shoulder.
that doesnt tell me you love me.

id rather have someone kick the shit out of me than get the cold shoulder.
thats not an exaggeration.

So I had a really great chat with Heidi today. She is in the cities this weekend and we met up at burrito loco for lunch today. Tt was really nice, and great to be able to have a talk like that. Anyways, we ended up at the topic of religion and I realized I sort of have some really strong feelings about that. And it all points to one conclusion: we all pray to the same god. I just have such a problem with religions like christianity in which there are so many holes. Like, for example, the story of Jesus dying on the cross and resurrecting 3 days later. One theory is that on the 6th part of the Stations of the Cross (the depiction of the final hours of Jesus in Catholicism) in which Veronica wipes Jesus’ face with her veil, in fact the veil was covered in opium and when Jesus inhaled that was in effect drugged, and that helps him get through the length of the crucifiction, while he is passed out, his body is so drugged that he is in a sort of coma. Three days later he wakes up from that coma and gets himself out of the tomb he was placed in. That is ridiculously plausible. In my logic, it is much much more plausible than someone divinely rising from the dead. Or another example: not eating mean on Fridays during lent. Where the hell did that come from? Im pretty sure there is no theological bearing behind that. Im so sure, in fact, that I challenge anyone out there to prove it to me. Prove to me that not eating meat on Friday actually means something (and specifically when and why it came about). I doubt you will find anything, but I beg you to try. haha anyways pardon my stubbornness, as I said, I just feel very strongly about this. I have much more respect for religions like Islam, where everything is defined and straightforward. Hardly as contradictory as Christianity’s forms. Which is another reason for its coherence. There are not so numerous and divergent sections or sects of Islam. Unfortunately I do not know much about some of the other major religions like Hinduism, Buddhism, Mormonism, or haha Scientology, but I would like to. And why is Jesus, of all the ‘prophets’ the son of god? Perhaps that is a naive question on my part, but for someone who actually attended years and years of religion classes in Catholicism, you’d think I should know, huh? haha, maybe I just repressed it. aaaahahahaha. No, but going back to the prophets point, the conjoining of the religions at that particular point alone, seeing Jesus as a prophet of God (or son of God) in both religions, is what I think is a great example that points to religions all praying to the same god. And all past and future religions too! All the greek gods and the native american traditional spirits, and all of that is just a different manifestation of the same entity: God. Why is God sometimes called Allah (in both Christianity AND Islam) or Yahweh (in both Judaism and Christianity) or Jehovah or Jah? Which one is right? Are any of them right? What does that mean? I dont know, if monotheism sees one single god as omniscient, everlasting, and omnipresent, and polytheism basically sees many gods as everlasting omniscient (in their subject) and in totality (i.e. including all of them together) are omnipresent, what exactly is the difference? What is the difference if one god controls all the specific pieces of life, OR many gods controlling specific pieces of life separately, but wholly still control everything? I dont know. Maybe Im looking at it too superficially, but if not differentiated at a basic level, why does it matter if they manifest it in a different way? I guess I just also hate the idea of organized religion. Once it becomes organized, not only is there room for corruption, does it become cult-like, but it also loses its meaning! Things become ritual, so ritualed and overdone that it becomes naturalized and no one knows what it means anymore! I like the idea of religion. People need something to have faith in, something greater to believe in. But it should be personal to you. It should be what is currently more often stated as Spirituality. You should always have a one-on-one relationship with God, and the way you prove it to him should mean something, not just be a ritual that you’re doing because…you don’t even really know why you’re doing them! Whether or not you take particular aspects from any of the ‘major’ religions now and practicing them because they really have come to mean something to you, thats fine, great! But the restraint of having to also follow other aspects of the religion in which you do not exactly agree with should not persist, as it does in an organized religion.

So, thats my take on Religion/Spirituality.

peace.

What you focus on, is what you will always see.

If you think someone is being stupid, you are going to notice all the stupid things they do. (and none of the smart things they do). If you think someone is annoying, you are going to see all the annoying things they do. If you think someone is mad, you are going to notice all the potential signs that might reinforce your belief that they are mad. If you think someone is being silly, you are going to notice all the silly things they do. If you think someone is beautiful, you are going to notice all the beautiful things they do. It’s up to you what you focus on. (and what to deem trivial). And it probably sucks being on the receiving end wondering why all of a sudden someone thinks you’re annoying when you’ve acted the same way on other days and they thought you were beautiful.

If you think the world is out to get you, then you will find ‘evidence’ that might reinforce that. If you think you hate something, then you are going to see all the ways in which it is bad. Take mayo for example. If you think you hate mayo, then you think you will hate a tuna salad sandwich. Until someday someone has to blind you by telling you there is no mayo in something to get you to try it. Turns out, you like it; they’ve opened your eyes. But the problem is, your eyes were closed to begin with. You closed your eyes. Or, on the other hand, if you think something, or some place, is the best thing, nothing compares. Then you are going to think every other thing, or place, is unbearable. You have to open your eyes.

Life is what you make it.

i dont really know what to write today, but somehow i just want to. its funny because after i wrote that first sentence, i sat here for about 5 minutes thinking of what to write, and guess what i came up with….? nothing. I guess i just kinda feel depressed. i mean, being broke REALLY sucks, and what sucks even more is feeling like youre working your buns off yet not being able to really make a dent in doing anything about it. and what sucks even worse is feeling like i was pushed into this situation. why dont i have a job right now? i honestly couldnt tell ya. i seem to remember someone telling me that a job would always be there when i needed it, yet, its not. oh well, im over it, i guess. its just so hard to be in transition, and in such a weird type of transition. i mean, do i apply at restaurants and coffeeshops (if i could even get in with my stupid school schedule being all over the place) to maybe work there for a few months until i graduate, upon which i will necessarily be attempting to find a job that actually puts my skills to use? or what? or what? i guess i just need a little guidance. or something. it sucks cuz i feel like i need someone to talk to, yet cant find the right words to say. but then, thats always been a problem of mine. which brings me to my next topic, French. man, sometimes i feel like im rockin that language, and the next its like i know nothing. i just really want to be comfortable with it, but why the heck is it so damn hard for me to speak it? maybe for the same reason that ive always had problems with words in english too. who knows. someday i think ill figure it out. but for right now, im just Lost.
which brings me to my next topic, the show, Lost. How freakin excellent is this show anyways? oh man, so many questions. i shall have to come back to this topic though because i must get myself out the door to go to class, then to work the wonderful world of assembly line. (which somedays is actually not so bad, its just the thought of how i got here to begin with that is so bad).

peace.

Please, you know you don’t have to, but if you must purchase something for our newleywed-ness, I registered at Target Club Wedd under Jessica Linn-Kané for ideas.

Yes, Kany and I got married today!

just thought it was interesting…

“It seems like everyone is bickering and arguing this month and they all want you to mediate for them. The trouble is that you are fed up with most of the squabbling and backstabbing going on. You are tired of closed-minded people and you are tired of petty arguments. You are still going to be the one playing the role of peacemaker, but you are probably more ticked off than anyone else is as a result. Luckily, there are some moments when you get to sneak away and have some fun and laughter with your favorite people. And you come up with some brilliant problem solving ideas while laughing and playing.”

now, dont you wanna check your horoscope today?

hahahahaha, here you go, then.

dang. its been MONTHS dude. i sincerly apologize. if anyone still reads my highly entertaining blog anymore with such little activity… but hey, ive been out of the country for the last 2 out of 3 months, is that a good excuse? who makes excuses anyways, no, but that does mean that ill have a LOT to write about. to come. i just spent the last 3 hours messing with facebook…pictures and videos, shit my eyes are bugging out. sooon, now i just cant wait for my baby to come home from work. sooooooooon!
peace

Im so crabby today. I totally thought I got a good nights sleep too, a good 7 hours. And at the beginning of my internship, I even felt pretty good. But eff-ing-A, after I got home from my internship, and tried to get some homework done, the stupid dog(s) upstairs kept barking and barking and barking NON STOP. I tried blasting some music, but I could still hear them! If I had my ipod and/or didnt take my computer to class today, I would have absolutely left the music blaring while i was gone. I am so sorry, but I just don’t understand. First of all, I dont understand why people like dogs in the first place, and second , I do not understand how they can just let them bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark. Well, nice work, my friends, I am officially crabby and PISSED. this cannot be regular thing.

plus, i have a million dishes to do, and I hate seeing them stack up, especially when i dont have very much time to do them. I have an oral exam for french tonight at 6, a 3 hour computer game to finish and write a paper on by tomorrow (which has to be printed out because teachers are now starting to refuse to accept anything by email), a doctors appointment wednesday at 1, and a final on thursday that covers like 8 chapters (not an exaggeration). not to mention work every night.

sigh.

“and it goes…”